Date:
4/2/2009
 With a statement that made yiddish money-changers yell out in anger and embarrassment, Howard Stern broke the global hebrew stereotype.
Sal the stockbroker told Howard that he owed $55,000 to credit card companies - and that his credit card rate on some cards approached 33%.
Howard seized on the 33% and came up with a monthly credit card payment of $18,000 a month, equal to $200,000 a year. No one in the studio was smart enough to correct Howard that he (and Fred) forgot to divide the amount by 12 months [ed. - Even the mafia only charged 8 - 12% a month]. No one remembered that APR stands for Annual Percentage Rate. Howard went into a massive rant about Sal would be $200,000 a year richer if he would just pay off the principal that he owed. Then Howard idiotically bumped the figure up to $216,000.
After 5 minutes of looking incredibly stupid - someone must have texted Howard to point out his mistake. Howard corrected himself and discounted the amount to approximately $18,000 - yet continued his outrage with the same zeal.
Howard Stern - proof that rich jews got that way - through sheer luck.
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Date:
3/20/2009
 Robin mentioned that Pete Seeger was in the news because of an upcoming tribute concert in his honor. She asked "How old do you think Pete Seeger is?"
Howard responded, "Peter, Paul, and Mary? Is he Peter, Paul, and Mary? What does he sing, Puff the Magic Dragon?"
No Howard, Pete was a folk singer who wrote such songs as "If I Had a Hammer", "Turn, Turn, Turn!", and "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?"
And speaking of the song "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?", Howard decided to once again show-off his talent at getting lyrics wrong:
"Where have all the flowers gone, Long time coming … [ the words are actually 'Long time passing …]"
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Date:
7/15/2008
Artie and Gary returned from Afghanistan - and Howard could barely contain his jealousy. He allowed them to tell their story for a couple of hours - but then insisted that the whole thing be put to bed (mostly because Howard didn't want to be constantly reminded that his cowardice prevented him from going along).
So when Dave Attell was on the show the following day revisiting the story (he went along as well), Howard lashed out at Gary for his praise of Dave's saintliness (referring to the frequency of Dave's mingling with the troops):
"Bawth!", Howard joked, "Dave is such a saint - he actually jumped on a mortar [ed. - and saved people's lives]!"
As always - Howard's knowledge of anything military - is as small as his manhood. A mortar is a tube-launched explosive fired into the air that explodes when it makes contact with the ground (some explode in the air). A grenade is a (traditionally -speaking) hand-thrown explosive that is capable of being jumped upon - thereby saving the lives of those nearby.
Howard, enough already, you are not qualified to make quips about the military, politics, history, music lyrics, etc. Stick to strippers and cup sizes, and cum-filled tissue jokes.
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Date:
6/17/2008
Robin began a news story this morning about hydrogen powered cars. Howard interrupted by asking, "Where do you get hydrogen? - Isn't it part of oxygen? H2O?"
Robin refrained from calling her meal ticket a stupid fucking dumbass and simply said, "Well these cars produce H2O ... "
Howard provided another quip by asking, "Wouldn't it be cool if they could make a car that ran on [salt] water?"
Yes Howard - that would be a good idea - since there is no chance that sodium chloride residue would clog up an internal combustion engine.
Howard finished with the memorably idiotic lines, "Just our luck all the hydrogen will be in Iran." and the not so obvious "H2O is water!"
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Date:
11/1/2007
This morning while talking to a representative of the USO, Howard tried to learn the reason for Artie's rejected trip to Iraq. Howard asked if a firefight broke out during a USO performance, would he be allowed to grab a weapon himself and start firing back. The USO rep said no. To which Howard twice responded " I would love to fire an Uzi into a ... [crowd?]". Here Howard shows a Freudian fondness for Israel - as nowhere in the US military are the (Yiddish made) Uzis issued or in use - even in a special forces capacity. The Colt M16 A2, M60, M249 SAW (Squad Automatic Weapon), or H&K MP5 would have been a more appropriate choice of nomenclature. Howard showing once again, a lack of knowledge of all things manly.
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Date:
4/24/2007
Howard claimed that "Ronald Reagan was the biggest conservationist around ... he was concerned with the air and pollution ...". According to various
sources (see below), Reagan was anything but a conservationist.
As usual - when the self-professed dumbass tries to educate his listeners, he is always wrong.
"... environmental legislation came under attack during the conservative Republican presidencies of Ronald Reagan and George Bush." (MS Encarta)
"[Reagan’s EPA director] was dismayed by Reagan’s cavalier dismissal of the importance of acid rain ..."
issues2000.org
"Reagan was unwilling to be pushed around by environmental groups ..."
snopes.com
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Date:
4/24/2007
via Rob: Howard referenced Bill Maher's HBO show and repeated a quote in a way that made it obvious that Howard totally believed it. He said, "Albert
Einstein said - that it will be the end of the world when the bees are gone."
According to snopes.com (Urban Legends homepage) there is no evidence that Einstein said this. The quote can be traced back to 1994 when European beekeepers were staging a political protest. The quote was most likely attached to Albert Einstein to give it more weight.
Einstein was a theoretical physicist, not a biologist, botanist, or entomologist. Howard's assertion "Was there ever a smarter guy than Albert Einstein?" shows a lack of intelligence. Howard is suggesting that if there was someone smarter throughout history - somehow he would know his/her name. It is well-known that Howard has a superficial understanding of anything related to academia.
IN ADDITION: Howard brought up the quote to make a point about conservatives and their lack of concern about global warming. Howard mentions cell phone
signals confusing bees. And Howard's cousin (in the bee business) claimed that the downfall of the bee is due to pesticides, fungicides, insecticides, herbicides, destruction of the bee habitat due to overdevelopment, mites, bacterial infection, and colony collapse disorder possibly due to cell phones. According to an article in the Boston Herald - beekeepers are also having trouble with cold spring weather.
NONE OF THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH GLOBAL WARMING!
Howard - I agree with Mr. Weatherbee. You are one dumb motherfucker.
(p.s. During the above on-air conversation - Gary mentions "… the ice-age that occurred millions of years ago …" No one corrected him on this - as
the last ice-age occurred 12,000 - 13,000 years ago.)
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Date:
4/9/2007
When making fun of Miss Howard Stern's real last name, Howard said, "Remember on Archie Comics the principle's name was like Ownby, Grumby, or something like that?"
Actually Howard it was more like Mr Weatherbee. I would have thought a self-professed fanatic who spent his youth reading comic books and jerking off in his bedroom would could have gotten this bit of trivia correct.
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Date:
3/20/2007
After listening to a Blind Melon song with Shannon Hoon singing, Howard does his usual inaccurate mini-lecture about music trivia. "Crazy - this guy killed himself." 
Artie (an authority on heroin and cocaine) - in his typical insecure manner of questioning Howard asked "He killed himself? I always thought it was overdose of heroin accidentally. "Howard responds. "Maybe I'm wrong - but I know he's dead."
Nice job Howard. No one ever reported that he killed himself. In fact Shannon Hoon died of a cocaine overdose on October 21, 1995.
Next up from Howard: "Crazy - this Sinatra dude died from semen poisoning."
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Date:
3/1/2007
After listening to a clip of John McCain on David Letterman, Howard said, "Pretty amazing - a guy who was in a tiger box in Vietnam for five years is now is on the Letterman show announcing his candidacy."
For starters - even Howard has used the correct term "tiger cage" in the past.
Secondly, John McCain was kept in a prison, known as Hoa Lo, a French colonial-era fortress/jail that housed 300 American pilots at various periods during the war.
Tiger box/tiger cage, tomato/tomatto, let's just say Howard's still a genius.
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Date:
2/19/2007
Howard said that Sirius and XM would not merge - Wrong!
Mel Karmazin - a man with less personality than Howard K. Stern, and even less ability to distinguish between what is cool and what is not - will announce soon that Sirius and XM will unite.
Howard getting married, Sirius/XM merging, what is next - Jackie the Jokeman making a comeback?
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Date:
2/14/2007
Howard Stern said he would never get married again. Wrong.
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Date:
2/12/2007
While talking about Sting and the Police's performance at the Grammys, Howard said "I think he can blow himself, can't he? Isn't that his claim?"
Robin and Gary responded, "He never said he could blow himself - he said he could make love for twelve or fifteen hours."
Gee Howard, you weren't too far off there. I think the announcement that Sting had his own dick in his mouth would probably have made headlines had it been true.
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Date:
2/9/2007
Howard was wrong when he hired the dolt who is in charge of coming up with segments for the "Master Tape Theater"
On the morning after her death, wouldn't it make sense - to have an all "Anna Nicole Smith segment day?
I guess when Howard takes one of his rare vacations, the brains of Sirius employees go on vacation as well.
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Date:
2/4/2007
Howard said Bam Margera from Jackass was marrying "... a chick he knew from high school - that was his high school sweetheart. And she's like a real regular girl."
"Hey Howard," Gary interrupts. "Will is saying they never actually dated in high school. Apparently she was the hot chick from high school that he couldn't get."
Howard ignores this major screw-up and doesn't even attempt to blame the misinformation on someone else. Must be a form of HD - Hebrew Dyslexia.
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Date:
2/3/2007
Howard has always maintained that Leslie West (a.k.a Leslie Weinstein) was/is the greatest guitarist of all time. As a well-known dolt when it comes to music, Howard was recently amazed at a Guitar World Magazine ranking of the top 100 guitar solos in which Leslie West failed to appear.
In typical Howard fashion - he confuses an artist's willingness to appear on his show (and kiss his ass) with that of musical talent.
During an in-studio appearance Leslie bragged that his bassist (on the clip being played) Stanley Jordan was "the fastest bass player in the world!". Leslie didn't say he was the best, he said the fastest. Any real musician with soul knows that quality takes precedence over quantity or speed. Real musicians would be embarrassed to praise another artist for how fast their fingers moved.
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Date:
1/30/2007
Via Wes: Today Howard retold a story stating that Adolf Hitler actually chewed the carpet on the floor because he got so worked up when arguing with his generals. Actually  the Hitler chewing the carpet story is a mistranslation from German to English by author William Shirer in "The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" and is a German slang term which would be the equivalent of the English slang term "climbing the walls." Quickie source #1,Quickie source #2.
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Date:
1/29/2007
File this under statistically stupid: When referring to Petra Nemkova's survival of the 2004 Tsunami - Howard said: "Boy she's an amazing chick - can you imagine - this chick was in the tsunami - she grabbed onto a tree with a broken pelvis and held on - she's like one of a billon people that survived."
Actually Howard - it was more like 6+ billion people who survived. I survived by holding onto my Xbox controller in my living room.
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Date:
1/29/2007
Howard has consistently portrayed President Bush as a liar by misleading Americans about Weapons of Mass Destruction - while saying Bill Clinton was the greatest president of all time. This sound clip - Democrats and WMDs (1.7 megs) shows that Bill Clinton, Nancy Pelosi and other democrats during the 1990's were absolutely sure that Saddam had - and was pursuing nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons.
Nice job Howard. I guess your idea of studying history is watching a TiVo replay of last weeks Dancing with the Stars
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Date:
1/26/2007
(replay of Dec 7, 1994) Howard portrays himself as a hero for keeping a suicidal man on the phone until police arrive and arrest him as he threatened to jump from the George Washington bridge. During the man's arrest he was found to have cocaine in his pocket. According to the White House Drug Policy " ... past year illicit drug users were also about 16 times more likely than nonusers to report being arrested and booked for larceny or theft; more than 14 times more likely to be arrested and booked for such offenses as driving under the influence, drunkenness, or liquor law violations; and more than 9 times more likely to be arrested and booked on an assault charge."
Thanks Howard. The taxpayers and crime victims of the U.S. certainly think of you as a hero.
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Date:
1/24/2007
 During a Janice Dickinson interview - Robin asked how the
former supermodel stayed in shape. Janice quickly replied "I Fuck on Top!".
Howard - a master at listening and paying attention to his guests responded
"You Fucked a Duck?"
Apparently - Howard Stern has never seen a duck before - and therefore couldn't possibly understand the difficulty of mating a human with poultry.
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Date:
1/23/2007
via KARITAKON
 "Howard is wrong. Nelly Furtado's first album did very well! Furtado came to fame in 2000 with the release of her debut album Whoa, Nelly!, which featured the Grammy Award-winning single "I'm like a Bird".
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Date:
1/23/2007
 After a Joe Pesci interview by Gary Garver in which he says - that when he was younger - he would would have "… stuck it [his dick] in a door knob - or keyhole - I mean.", Howard repeats it as "… says his dick can fit in a door lock - or something". Howard - as usual, is terrible at recalling something that happened more than 10 seconds ago.
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Date:
1/23/2007
 When talking about the television show Dancing With The Stars, Howard mentioned future contestants such as Billy Ray Cyrus, and
N-Sync'er Joey Fatone. "Is he the one that came out, guy who said he was
gay?", he asked. Homophobe Artie Lange quickly corrected Howard and said it
was Lance Bass who was gay. Howard - as usual, is terrible at recalling news
events that happened more than 10 minutes ago.
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